Oh my, what a day!

My husband has an addiction and just like any other addiction, he tries to get away from it but when he’s in a moment of weakness, he’ll ask me to supply it. You’ve probably guessed, seeing how he’s a man and he’s in prison. But because he’s my husband and he found his way to prison by being disloyal to me, I can’t feed into his addiction. So we fight. We fight and we go around and around. He begs and he pleads just like a junkie needing a fix but I have to be strong for him. He asks me to send this PB and I tell him no. We fought some today, not a lot just, I didn’t feel right about his requests and as he was hanging up the phone he said “I love you” and I mumbled back “yeah you’re showin it”. 

So he stopped and he thought about what he was doing and he realized that his addiction hurts his wife and that God has him there to get him right. So he called back, canceled the request, apologized for hurting me again, and carried on with the conversation like nothing happened. 

Unfortunately, the emotional damage was already done for me. I didn’t cry but I was frustrated. I sat down and wrote a letter to him, venting mostly. I felt better after getting some things off of my chest and I set the letter aside and didn’t think any more about it. 

Hours later, he called again. This time I was pretty much over what had gone down earlier and we were just chatting and having a fun time. Then suddenly out of nowhere, he broke into song! “I want you to want me” by Cheap Trick. My mind was blown! Of course, this sort of thing happens to us all the time, but I’m trying to get better at this ole bloggin’ thing, so I thought I’d share this time. 

Hours earlier when I was venting in that letter I wrote the following words: “Don’t you remember how the circle treated me? How my daughter treated me? Your family? Even you? I am not one to stay where I’m not wanted. Yet, after all you’ve done to hurt me – I am still here. 

I want you to want me.” 

I couldn’t remember how the lyrics of that song went so I only wrote those six words. Then he called and sang them to me as if I had posted them on social media and he’d gone online to see them. I shared that line in a private letter only. Despite his struggles, little moments like that reassure us that we’re soulmates.

And so I walk through the fire for him. I hear the negativity. I get called the names. I hear the horrible things people call him. I worry about him constantly and I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so much ever in my life as I do now, but I won’t walk away because he and I have something. We have something that some people only dream of having and I’m not letting him go. He’s my soulmate. 

~Leesa Love


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