Time to Call Chuck!

This is a Lovie letter that I chose to share publicly because it’s so comical you can’t help but pity the man and try not to laugh at his dramatics. If you want to read more Lovie letters like this please become a patron for $5 a month.


Lovie Letter 6-3-2019

I feel a lil down, sad face. 😦 I just look in the mirror and even did a second look. I got my hair cut yesterday. My friend that cut it said I’d cut a lil more in the back of your head but seems like you need hair back there. I said “yeah right” and laughed it off.

Well this morning I thought I would check it out. Yup I’m thinking back there Yikes no good that puts a damper on me growing my hair back out long. 😦 Gosh man that sucks now I’m depressed over it. Old age setting in I guess. My back is hurting and sore every morning throw in loosing my back hair plugs what do you have? A broke down sore old inmate man.

I see me being fully bald by the time I graduate my 10 year career sentence. I’m gonna go eat a soup….I’m outta here!!!! I’m back, the d*mn soup looked bald to me.

Sheesh I never thought I’d lose NE of my hair folicals. Gosh this is just sucks Funny, I can’t believe I’m going bald in the back of my head. It’s the size of a cookie a Descent size cookie, shakes head with half my hair missing now. I’m gonna have 2 join a hair club 4 men or be on one of those hair commercials. Doh, or take my own advice and shut the h*ll up and embrace what lil hair follicals I do have left. No one ever told me when I did have a full set of hair plugs that there be dayz like this!

Its just a cruel joke, I’m gonna wake up tomorrow morning with all my plugs back in place. Babe, when you was praying 4 me that no one would touch a hair on my my head, B/C there ain’t too many hairs up there to touch. I’m gonna miss you running your fingers through my hair. You might be rubbing some bosley hair cream on my bald spot. What calms my spirit about loosing my plugs is that no matter what my funny will love me just the same. Goo yo!

But anyways I talked 2 mrs Stewart today at lunch and she would like me to put in a request so I can be her prep cook! Goo Yo, I no the veggies won’t mind getting chopped up by someone who’s hair plugs that’s falling out. Boo hoo on me. Oh whoa me! What am I gonna do? It won’t be long before I’m sitting in my lazy boy like Archie on “All in the Family” calling our son meat head.

Now I know how Homer J Simpson feels. He has 2 straws of hair on his coconut. Won’t be long B4 I have 2 straws left on my noggin 😦  I’m gonna be the non cartoon version of homer. I mean look. He never changes cloth 4 the last 30 years. I’m old, fat, grey, going on 2 straws of hair and I wear the same clothes every day.

I’ll never have 2 worry about that. I just figured it out the solution to my on the road 2 two straws of hair. I’ll shave my head and yes I’ll do what I have been doing B4. Wear a hat goo yo? Or get a 2-pay? Whacha think? I can sport one of those. I mean I’m open to it. I don’t want 2 be one of those old guys that comb half their hair over the bald spot 2 the other side. No can’t do that!

Wait or maybe I can scotch tape some of my beard hairs up there they won’t no the difference that’s an ideal. It will be my own hair at least although I’ll have to keep it short 4 that! See Babe? that’s why I said when your hair gets long donate it 2 locks of lock you’ll never no who will need it like maybe me. I never saw myself as a red head.

I know of one person I could hire to get my hair plugs back, Chuck Norris. This is the man we should have hired to fight for my freedom. Also Chuck the man got bit by a deadly snake for 3 aching days, the snake finally died. Tell me that ain’t something.

I could hire the A-team to help get my plugs back. But they are hard to find and MacGyver is out 2 lunch (vacation) so that leaves me with one option Good Ole chuck. Hope he takes monthly installments. Maybe we can ask him to do a pro-bono 4 us. A charity case. I’m sure his heart is as big as my bald spot on my head!


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