These are the actual words written in my journal from 2012. My husband and I have an amazing connection and it all began from 320 miles apart.
August 6, 2012
Struggled through a hurtful and very self destructive day.
Met Grid Love AKA Mike from Florida. He friended me on Facebook, we messaged briefly, then started texting. We texted well into the early morning hours.
Already felt I’ve found a friend who actually cares.
Heart to Heart Connection as we “danced”. Our First Dance
August 7, 2012
Holding My Hand
I awoke feeling too sick for work and decided to go for a drive. I ended up having a severe, crippling anxiety attack! I blacked out several times and kept running off the road. I felt that if I called Mike in Florida that he would talk to me and keep me alert. I had no phone service.
I felt like I was having a stroke. My right side went numb and I used my left side to turn onto a small road. I used my left arm to steer the wheel off of the road, but I didn’t have the strength to press the brake pedal. I remember seeing a man in front of me on his riding lawn mower as I crashed into the ditch. He didn’t see or hear me. The impact had caused the car to overheat and as a thick plume of smoke covered the windshield, I desperately beat on the driver’s side window with my left foot and hand. I thought I had reached my end. Years of the doctors telling me that my heart would go out had come to pass and only a few hours after meeting my soulmate.
After several cars drove past, my last bit of strength gave out. I collapsed against the door and there I lay wondering if my car was on fire and would I burn to death. Then suddenly I heard the click of the door latch and fell into someone’s arms. The person, I think it was a woman, dragged me to the middle of the road. As others gathered around and stood over me, I remember pleading with them to call a number in my phone. It was the number of the last player who had used me. He was local. Of course we agreed to remain friends so surely he would care enough to help me in my time of need right? He asked me not to call him anymore. Nice…and very embarrassing as I laid on the concrete. I wondered if anyone cared about me. Would anyone come for me?
Yes, there was someone. As I arrived to the hospital via ambulance and laid in the hospital bed all day, but not for a moment was I alone. Once the anxiety attack faded, I was able to gather up my I.V bag and walk myself through the hospital to the front door where my phone would pick up a signal. I texted Mike from Florida and he didn’t hesitate to hold my hand from 320 miles away!
From six hours away, that big ole heart of his made it feel like he was right there holding my hand.
Notice the time? ↑”3:20″ We were 320 miles apart. That number pops up quite often.
My introduction to Bipolar Disorder
Later that night he hurt me. I couldn’t understand how he could be so sweet during the day but then so cruel that night. He talked about how the distance was too much for him and that he had another woman that wanted to go out with him. I was devastated but figured he was just another player on the game list. I went on my Facebook and posted:
“You’re going to regret throwing away this diamond to go gathering rocks!”
Later, Mike had a change of heart and decided not to pick up rocks and throw this diamond away.
The next morning he was back to his sweet self again. He called me at work and I heard his voice for the first time! We talked and talked. He explained his past to me and I shared mine. Our connection grew even more.
Tonight, things got bad again. He called but he seemed angry at everything, not at me, just everything. He said he was going to take his groggy arse to bed and that he needed sleep more than most. I noticed that he slept a lot during the day but I just assumed he was a night owl. It went deeper than that. He explained to me that he has Bipolar Disorder and can’t control his mood swings. He hates taking pills so he tries to fight through it with counseling. He was really angry, then really down. He seemed embarrassed to tell me about his problem. I told him I understood, but how could I? I don’t know anything about Bipolar Disorder. I just remember seeing an NYPD Blue episode with Rick Schroder and his Bipolar girlfriend had painted her apartment red. I remember him holding her in that episode. I guess that’s what he needs me to do, just hold him. Hold Your Heart
The stories and poetry you will read in this blog are written and reposted from past events. Our journey is on an upward spiral at the moment and wonderful things are happening. This day to day journal is available for $5 and up Patrons at Patreon
Thank you so much for stopping by ~ Have a Super Blessed Day ~
~Johnny Love & Leesa Love