Journal Entry October 20, 2012
Well, I’m not pregnant as we had thought and secretly hoped. Mike says it will be okay either way which is a switch from my first husband shouting out “it’s not mine!”
I don’t have to write a whole lot to express how I feel. In one week I am moving to a new state, leaving my child behind. Yeah, she’s 14 but she’s my only baby. I will be traveling with people I have only known for a short while to an empty house to sleep in an empty bed. I wish I could stop the hurt inside. If Mike feels he needs to check in to a mental hospital to be ready for this big change, then I guess that’s what must take place.
October 21, 2012
What are my thoughts on all the changes?
The first change I am facing is moving from the country to the city. I’ve made it in the city before with my ex. I hated it, but I made it. I suppose I’ll adjust.
How do I feel about leaving my daughter?
It wasn’t my choice. I tried everything to get her to want to move with me. Her “dad” moved us every 6 months. She’s tired of moving. Since I won’t leave her with my immature niece and her boyfriend, she rebelled and said she’s going to live with her dad. This is the first time that she has really truly hurt me. I am afraid. I don’t want her to be sick or hurt. It’s hard. I don’t want to leave without her but this is what she chose. I respect her choices even if they are killing me. Did I say I was scared? I meant terrified!
I need to take this giant leap of faith. I need to see my inner courage rise. My attacker was a lot stronger than me but somehow I kept him off. I broke free from his grip. I outsmarted him! I have no doubt that I will make it back to my girl and quickly!
How do I feel about having more children?
I am nervous and excited. I’m regretful that my youthful body is aging and I’m faced with the possibility of some tough times ahead. I love the idea of babies. I see Mike as being a wonderful daddy. It is a bit intimidating but I will gladly have babies with that man no matter how late in life!
How do I feel about being married again?
Much like with children, it’s a process of admitting ‘hey those years may have gone partially to waste, but I still have life and love to give!’
The stories and poetry you will read in this blog are written and reposted from past events. Our journey is on an upward spiral at the moment and wonderful things are happening. This day to day journal is available for $5 and up Patrons at Patreon
Thank you so much for stopping by ~ Have a Super Blessed Day ~
~Johnny Love & Leesa Love